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    June 30

    纠结

     
      每次面临短暂的假期,都会挣扎许久,是回家看看家人还是出去走走?
      来了沈阳这2年,陷进工作的泥潭不能自拔。一年一年变老,压力也一年一年增大。我没法像以前一样高兴了就辞掉工作找个喜欢的地方呆着,越是不能,越是渴望。
      时不时总是会有冲动,不管了,什么房子什么工作,都不要了,我还可以走,我还可以去漓江我还可以去西藏,我还可以在别的地方重新开始,我可以找个简单的工作可以住在那边可以生活下去。
      昨天我又梦见我到了一个陌生的地方,四处都是陌生的面容,我可以穿着拖拉板到处逛,头发随便一绑,站在阳光下。
      
      每次谈到梦想,我都无比暗淡。
      生活越来越安定,越来越正常,我的梦想便越来越遥远,我心中的自由便荡然无存。
      我其实不喜欢旅游,我只是喜欢生活在不一样的地方。
      国内也好国外也好,我不想每天上下班经过同样的街道,日复一日,挣更多的钱又有什么用呢?
      
      我也有点怀念年轻时的我,穷困潦倒的时候也有,却那么勇敢。
      记得有一次,那个月刚到手的工资交了半年的房租,6000块钱便只剩下几百元,一个月没有着落的生活,却还咧着大嘴开心。
      而现在,我再也没有勇气面对那样的日子了,只有一天一天攒钱才会有一点安全感。
      有一次我拎着行李箱走到门口,都没有勇气打开门走出去不回头。我坐在地下开始哭得一塌糊涂。
      
      那谁说我过得很纠结。
      这话倒也不错。
      昨晚天下足球的片尾曲唱着许巍的完美生活,心里便很不是滋味,他可能也不会再写出这样的好歌了,而我,也没有了胸中燃烧的梦想。

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